She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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