What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize