I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
