Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
