He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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