I'm laying in your front yard are you home
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
