took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
