Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
