i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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