I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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