im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
