I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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