This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
