Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
