I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
