i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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