I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
