Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
