Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
