To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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