i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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