Dual....:-)
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Randomize
