i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
