I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
