Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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