so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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