so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
