Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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