Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
