I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
