Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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