I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
