I don't usually arrange sex via text message
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
