i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
