the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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