I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
