my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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