guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
