Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
