Who did Billy Mays play for?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
