Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
this will be a night to untag.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize