the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This baby is an asshole
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
