Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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