Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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