we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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