Soap is not a condiment
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
