I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
