So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
