Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
