Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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