I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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