mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
