I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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