Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
