Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This baby is an asshole
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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