Just fell off a train. Bad.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
