You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
