he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
