You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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