Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
