I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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