He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
