The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
